It goes by the colloquial term ‘Froyo’ and leaves its consumer with a brain freeze and subsequent high glucose levels, but people don’t seem to share with me my loathing for Frozen Yogurt. Is it just me that does not enjoy paying $8 for what is essentially frozen sugar molecules and a guaranteed week of testing out new cellulite creams and fad diets? Here are the top ten things I hate about Froyo!!! (Not to be confused with the fictional J.R.Tolkien character ‘Frodo’).
- The only thing that should be charged based on its weight is an overweight person on an international flight.
- Everyone is all of a sudden a Seinfeld fan because they saw the Froyo episode like one time at their cool uncle’s house but they don’t even know, man.
- Don’t even get me started on the anxiety I feel when I have to decide* which toppings I want to add to my $8 bowl of frozen-imploding-artery-weapon when there is a queue of hangry hipsters behind me.
*Multiply that level of anxiety by 400 if it’s A) Summer or B)** a froyo store located in a pretentious suburb.
** Multiply both again by 7 if both A) and B) are applicable.
- The fact that there is not yet a self-serve checkout for froyo shakes me up (pardon the brain freeze-related pun). I feel so judged when the shop assistnats are like ‘Yo, that’s $14 thanks babe’. I just KNOW that they’re going to tweet about me later during their ciggie break.
- The reason that this list ends @ No.5 is because I genuinely don’t even like frozen yogurt so the actual act of eating/drinking (to each their own) froyo makes me feel ill.
5B) Taste/texture/Not particularly a fan of having early onset Type II diabetes?!?
In spite of all of this, an honourable mention goes to the fit out at the Carlton branch YoChi. Although, RIP to the Brunetti’s it used to be, their days are over. (Yes, Rita. Rita references for days.)
*The medicinal references in this are in no way accurate, I never actually paid attention in Biology class nor do I care enough to research them!! XX